My ex-boyfriend is a sweet, intelligent man, except when he’s drinking. He went too far too many times, so I left him. He called me yesterday swearing that he was in Alcoholics Anonymous and was cleaning up his life. He wants me back. Should I give him another chance?
Torn in Toledo
Dear Doormat in Denial,
If you have to ask, the answer is no.
(I was going to leave it there, but I sensed that you may need more of an explanation.)
When my cousin doggy Jezzy visits, mom jokes about how by the end of the day, Jezzy is great on a leash, comes when she’s called, and even knows tricks like “shake” and “speak.” The moment her mom comes to pick her up, she forgets all of that and goes back to yanking on the leash, ignoring her name, and not doing any tricks (other than being really cute). I’ve seen this happen with other doggy friends, too. You see, when you are back with someone who is familiar, it is too easy to fall into the same patterns.
Yes, I believe in second chances for people who hurt me, but I do not believe that I have to be the one to give that chance to them.
Mom wrote a whole book about it that will help you a lot. It is called Get Over it and Get Started. I know it helped her to write it after she escaped my first dad. She says that if it weren’t for learning what she wrote about in the book, she never would have taken hold of her own life and she never would have met the *real* love of her life who never hits us and plays ball with me and gives me lots of treats.
Trust me, we were better alone even though we both still loved first daddy – and then we met Daddy Jim. I can’t even remember first daddy anymore, and Daddy Jim is the love of my life, too. He’s the best!