My buddies and I planned a bachelor party for my friend Robert about a year ago. We decided to spend a weekend in Las Vegas. We pooled our money together and paid for everything in advance. Now his fianceé is saying she wants to come along. I tried to explain that this was a guys-only thing, that everything had already been arranged, and promised that we wouldn’t let him do anything to damage her trust. It wasn’t enough. She got angry at all of us, and threatened to break off the engagement if we went without her. I think Robert might be better off without her at this point. Am I overreacting?
Over in Andover
Dear Rover and over,
My advice is to you because ultimately Robert is the one that will have to make the decision. I can only offer what you might ask Robert to do, but please do not be upset with him if he doesn’t listen. Weddings are stressful things and many times the wedding gets in the way of the marriage.
Talk to Robert, in fact, you may even want to bring this letter with you. After he is done laughing at the fact that you wrote a dog for advice, read him my story.
Mom and dad agreed to take care of their friends’ dog, Atom, while they were away for a long time on vacation. Atom and I got along at his house (even though he did not like to swim), and we were OK together, but when he came over to my house he tormented my cats. I mean, he was vicious and just would not leave them alone. Mom kept hoping that he would get over it, but he never did. We finally had to take him back to his house and just visit him every day.
While mom really wanted him to get along with everyone, he had no desire. She had to make a tough decision because his inability to change was hurting the whole family. This was his choice and his alone to make.
Now, please understand that I am not comparing Robert’s fianceé to a Terrier, but people are not that different. He was a Terrier when we visited his house. He was a Terrier when he visited our house. He will be a Terrier long after the honeymoon is over.
So will Robert’s fianceé.
Atom fit in with his family at his home, and they got along fine there as long as there were no cats. If this works for Robert, then this is great. Atom did not fit in anywhere else, so we had to go places without him. He was still Atom when we got back, and he was still part of his family. No one loved him less, and he was OK at home with his squeaky toys.
If the fianceé lady wants to come to Vegas because she does not trust Robert, then that is a bad, bad thing. It will not ever change, and Robert must decide if he wants that forever. He may be OK with her being fine at home and nowhere else, but that may also mean that he does not get to go anywhere else with her.
If the fianceé lady wants to come because she’s never seen Vegas and is jealous, then she can plan her own trip with her own friends, and she will have more fun with them than you.
Overall, if you are a Terrier, you are not going to become a Retriever just because that is what others want. For some, a Terrier is indeed best. For others, a Retriever is better. Either way, you gotta stick with your Terrier or your Retriever, so you best decide before you make them part of your forever family.