I am in love with my coworker. He doesn’t know it, and I could never tell him, but he fills my every thought — to the point that work is getting very difficult for me. To make things worse, we are both married.
I know that it would be a terrible thing for me to pursue any sort of relationship with him, but I can’t stop thinking about him. From what I’ve seen, he is everything my husband is not. He’s romantic, kind-hearted, and really smart. He’s funny, and he dresses nice every day. He listens to me. He is always talking about his kids, so he’s a great father. I do love my husband, but I do not think about him all the time like I do my coworker. I am so confused! I do not want to break up our marriages, but I just don’t know if I can go on without letting him know how I feel.
In Love in Indianapolis
Dear Indy Love,
If I am reading your letter correctly, you have told me that your husband is not romantic. He is mean and really stupid. He does not have a sense of humor, and he dresses like a slob. He never listens to you, and he is a bad father. My goodness! Why did you marry this terrible person! No wonder you are having fantasies about people you do not know.
OK, mom just read that last part and told me that she was surprised at my sarcasm, since dogs do not understand sarcasm. I agree, because I was not being sarcastic and I do not understand what she meant. I am truly worried for you. If your husband is this awful of a person, then you really must run away right now. It would be better for you to be alone than to be with someone with all of those bad qualities.
I do not think that you are lying, but I also do not think that you would have fallen in love with and married someone who was so terrible. I think you may have the same problem that my kitty, Max, has.
Max gets really upset whenever Dad or Mom are in a room without him. He especially gets upset when one of them are in the room with all the water where they sit and read for long periods of time. He always wants to be on the other side of the door. He will yell and yell until they let him in, then he will yell and yell until they let him back out again. He does this with the front door and the linen closet, too. Mom says that cats are never on the right side of the door.
I think what happens is that Max believes that what is on the other side of the door is better than what is on the side he is on. Then, he gets to see the other side of the door and finds out that it is not better — sometimes, it is even worse! Just yesterday he yelled and yelled until Dad let him out the front door, but it was raining really hard, so Max found out that staying on the inside of the door was a much, much better idea.
I think you suffer from the same syndrome as Max. I think that you have convinced yourself that the other side of the door is somehow better, even though you do not really know what is out there. Maybe you are bored. Maybe you are sad. Maybe your husband is really an awful person and you need to run away. Or maybe, just maybe, you need to do something fun with your husband and see him for the person you fell in love with. You could start by trying to go through doors to new and fun places with him.
Max told me to tell you that, although he does like to be on the other side of every door he encounters, he would never, ever, ever, go to someone else’s door. Home is where your dog is.