Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Pathetic Distractions Edition, September 20, 2023


===

1

Since it’s now chic to believe in extraterrestrials, the Mexican government submitted what they deemed to be fossilized alien corpses — totally not to distract from the wide-open borders allowing their terrestrial aliens to run amok in the US. Ufologist Jaime Maussan, who testified under oath, swore that the x-rays, carbon-DNA dating, and witness testimony totally proved that tiny, gray spacemen traveled across the universe and visited the planet centuries ago and have since totally forgotten how to crash-land on government property where they’ll be recovered, preserved, and hidden until politically convenient. Mr. Maussan, who previously claimed multiple discoveries of alien corpses including five Peruvian mummies that were later proven to be human children, spearheaded the totally believable, totally legitimate report.

Everything to see here, folks, do not move on, pay no attention to the corpse in the Oval Office; just keep focusing on the really, really, real spaceman corpses.

‘Alien corpses’ shown to Congress as UFO expert forced to testify under oath

‘Alien bodies’ presented in Mexican Congress panned as ‘stunt’

Is this deformed mummy ‘discovered’ in Peru for real?

These ‘Alien’ Mummies Appear to Be a Mix of Looted Body Parts

===

2

Since aliens are no longer working, the Pentagon is trying treasure hunting. The same government that can track down any given grannie who trespasses after being led into the People’s House, but can’t find folks who — on video — plant pipe bombs and/or coke around the Capitol — have now lost an entire F-35 fighter jet, mid-flight. Authorities are asking the public for any information they may have on the location of the 80 million dollar, state-of-the-art war machine.

I swear, I am not making this up.

The anonymous pilot, whom they’re keeping anonymous for what are surely non-nefarious reasons, randomly jettisoned while the jet was on autopilot. While the Pentagon has labeled the incident a “mishap” and is releasing no other details, it should be noted that this isn’t the first time a fighter jet has spontaneously ejected its pilot. In fact, the Air Force is currently facing lawsuits for pilot deaths that involved counterfeit ejection seat parts installed by contractors that got their parts from…you guessed it, folks…China. No, I am not making this up.

This particular jet may be still in the air, or may have since crash-landed somewhere magically off-radar, but the government has not ruled out that it has been abducted by fossilized extraterrestrials from Peru.

Debris found in search for F-35 fighter jet that went missing after pilot ejected during ‘mishap’

U.S. asks for help finding missing F-35 fighter jet after pilot ejects during ‘mishap’

F-35 Fighter Jet Lost In ‘Mishap,’ Prompting Questions From Lawmakers

US military loses F-35 jet, possibly still flying by itself; asks public for help

Widow of F-16 Pilot Alleges Possible Counterfeit Ejection Seat Parts in Lawsuit Against Defense Contractors

US put China-made parts in F-35 fighter program

===

3

While Donald Trump cannot ask for the time without being indicted by the DOJ for misinformation, the Biden cabal has sent a letter to all major news outlets demanding they not report on the impeachment inquiry of the Big Guy. Of course, Pravda will always report exactly as Dear Leader instructs, thus every outlet reported the following, word for word:

“Speaker Kevin McCarthy launched an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden, despite having found no evidence of a crime.”

The Whitehouse, party Democrats, and now all major news outlets have since declared that paper trails, bank statements, large influxes of foreign funding, first-hand sworn witness testimony, and even BRAGGING about your crime on video in front of a large, live summit audience does not count as evidence as long as your funding comes from China or Ukraine and your last name rhymes with Hiden’.

White House sends letter to news execs urging outlets to ‘ramp up’ scrutiny of GOP’s Biden impeachment inquiry ‘based on lies’

===

4

The Libertarian National Committee has dutifully filed for conservatorship of Joe Biden and Mitch McConnell stating, QUOTE “The clear incapacitation, mental lapses, and deficiencies in decision-making that are clearly observable in numerous, recent, and well-publicized instances necessitate these actions.” END QUOTE

While their intentions are well-meaning, the uniparty scoffs at their attempt to end elder abuse at such levels, especially given that they did not equally seek to protect other mentally impaired representatives such as Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Dianne Feinstein, John Fetterman, or Alexandria Occassio Cortez.

The Libertarian party has filed for conservatorship of Joe Biden and Mitch McConnell

===

5

Even rootin’ tootin’ Putin can see the wholesale corruption of the O’Biden regime. While stumbling, sniffy old Joe makes a laughingstock out of the entire country, the dictator for life can plainly see the meat puppet figurehead oligarch for what he is. He sees the Trump persecution as politically motivated and says QUOTE “It shows all the rottenness of the American political system, which cannot pretend to teach others about democracy,” END QUOTE, which is rich coming from him — particularly since Biden has done everything both he and Zelenskii has asked for at the US taxpayers’ expense. The enemy of my enemy’s enemy is…oh…never mind…

Donald Trump’s prosecution exposes ‘rotten’ US politics, Putin says

===

6

Speaking of hysterical corruption, Democrats have publicly declared that they believe Elon Musk should be punished for NOT starting World War Three. Musk, who granted Ukraine FREE use of his Starlink satellite service since the beginning of the US-funded war, chose not to expand said service to facilitate Ukraine’s Pearl-Harbor-like attack in Crimea last September, given that Russia would retaliate with nukes. Since he was not under contract with the war-mongering Biden banana republic, he was free to make such decisions — which really goes against everything a proper war-mongering dictatorship stands for.

Elon Musk’s Refusal to Have Starlink Support Ukraine Attack in Crimea Raises Questions for Pentagon

==

7

After Lauren Bobert got groped by a Democrat in a crowded theater, the pro-sex worker, child-grooming lefties are feigning self-righteous fury over her disgrace. The loudest pearl clutcher to voice his moral outage?

…Howard Stern?

I swear, I am not making this up.

Howard Stern rips Rep. Lauren Boebert as ‘disgrace to this country’ after ‘Beetlejuice’ grope-date debacle

Leave a Reply

Name *
Email *
Website