And now, CCW News presents: Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening!
Forget Thanksgiving, let’s talk Christmas Edition, 2023
I’m Chuck U. Farley
The past two months have seen Democrats losing what little minds they had remaining as first Alex Jones was reinstated on the platform formerly known as Twitter and both Argentina and the Netherlands voted in anti-woke, pro-freedom candidates.
In what it says is a move to protect our Republic, the Colorado Supreme Court has voted that Donald Trump will not be allowed on the primary ballot due to his neither participating in any nor facing any charges for the alleged insurrection of the very government he was the head of at the time.
Only in the miniscule minds of the totalitarian left could freedom of speech and citizens voting for their candidate of choice be a threat to democracy.
Meanwhile, the same ivy leaguers who have spent the last 7 years calling Trump “literally Hitler” while meekly succumbing to the same institutions’ draconian mask and vaccine mandates are now marching in the streets demanding the extermination of the Jews. Of course, they have the full support of the leaders of these institutions, who are all on record admitting that they do not consider calling for genocide a hate crime, but writing mean things on a wall in chalk, is.
I wish I were making this up.
Vladimir Putin has stated that he’s open to a ceasefire, but Zelinsky is too busy counting his stacks of US tax dollars to consider it.
As if two hot wars aren’t enough, Houthi militants in Yemen have been launching missiles at trade ships in the Red Sea. The Iranian-backed group claims that they are only aiming for ships headed toward Israel’s ports, because that’s how they can guarantee the US will get involved in yet another war.
November saw San Francisco become a Potemkin village as California’s hairspray Hitler cleaned the homeless off the streets for a special visit from China’s President Xi. When asked why he couldn’t clean up the streets for the taxpayers who built them, because it looks like he only did so temporarily to impress the socialist dictator, Newsome hissed, QUOTE “Yes, it’s true because it’s true.” END QUOTE
The Press is oddly un-curious as to where Newsome stuffed the street people and how long it will take for them to return Frisco to its street-toilet glory.
Of course, the cabbage in chief had to attend the festivities to pretend to ask the Communist leader to please ease up on poisoning our citizens with fentanyl and TikTok, but from falling asleep in meetings to calling Xi a dictator to his face, Biden stumbled, bumbled, and failed in his mission so hard that even Blinkin couldn’t blink.
In fact, Biden’s done such a bang up job that China is taking their pandas back.
I swear, I am not making this up.
Biden’s failure in foreign affairs pale in comparison to his failures domestically, particularly at the border. One could argue, however, that his open-door policy is more by design than by lack of action, as he first demanded that Texas remove all razor wire and water barriers, and then instructed authorities not to stop or even track invaders overtaking the southern border.
He then closed down the international railway crossing bridges in Eagle Pass and El Paso — not to try to cut down on blatant human trafficking — but to enable workers to process MORE border jumpers, offering them free cell phones, goodie bags, and first-class Delta airline tickets to any state they wish to go.
Liberals in Ohio took some time off from demanding genocide of the Jews to celebrate their state ratifying infanticide up to, and including, birth so they may legally genocide the blacks.
Throughout Europe, Christian churches are having to beef up security or shut down holiday worship altogether due to deadly threats from violent Islamic organizations because, of course they are.
To wrap up the season, First Cabbage DOCTOR Jill Biden decked the halls of the White House in gaudy, circus-inspired nutcracker-themed decorations and tweeted out a tap-dancing monstrosity, including men dressed up as women, women pretending to be men, men trying to be flowers, and mice who wish they weren’t men. The only thing scarier than their costumes was learning how much Americans — many of whom won’t be able to afford Christmas dinner, thanks to Bidenomics — had to pay for two and a half minutes of pure cringe.
For CCW News, this has been Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening.
I’m Chuck U. Farley.
Merry Christmas, and may God help us.