Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening – Gall Around the World Edition, January 22, 2024


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1

The big news this week is that Ron DeSantis has suspended his presidential bid and endorsed President Donald Trump. Mainstream media is cheekily reporting that it is now a two-man race, even though Trump is the only Republican candidate left.

Top Democratic donor gives $250k to support Nikki Haley

What Was Reid Hoffman’s Role In Funding E. Jean Carroll’s Case?

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2

Democratic primary candidate Dean Phillips made a splash with his Bigfoot commercial. The poor critter is shown roaming around New Hampshire trying to find the most elusive creature of all — ol’ Basement Joe. Since Hiden’ Biden can’t be let off his leash for more than a couple of minutes at a time without telling a whopper, sniffing a kid, or falling on his a…er the DNC mascot, he is not campaigning at all, as expected. While he makes fun of Trump for bypassing the debates, he hasn’t shown up for one yet himself.

Bigfoot Ad Gets A Lot Of Attention

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3

Also in made-up creature news, ESPN has been forced to return over 30 Emmys given to some of its top stars after it was discovered that fake names were used in their Emmy entries, a practice it has been doing since 1997 because their on-air personalities QUOTE “are so important, and they have egos.” END QUOTE

Report Says ESPN Used Fake Name For Emmy

 

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4

Vice Hyena Kamala Harris has done such a bang up job as border Czar that she’s now the Biden campaign’s poster child for abortion. If you didn’t approve of abortion before, she is definitely the perfect specimen to convince you otherwise.

Biden-Harris campaign to unveil new effort to push abortion rights advocacy ahead of Roe anniversary

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5

Prosecutor Fani’s fanny is about to be booted as it has come out that she cheated taxpayers of their money to grossly overpay her lover to cheat on his wife. It turns out not only is he wholly unfit for the position he currently holds, but the two spent millions on lavish vacations together getting into other positions unfit for polite company. Fani’s actual crimes are far worse than her trumped up Trump allegations.

Credit card statements show Trump special prosecutor appointed by Georgia DA Fani Willis bought her plane tickets

Bank records: DA Willis and special prosecutor traveled together during Trump probe

 

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6

Iconic magazine, Sports Illustrated, has lost its publishing license and has announced that it will be laying off QUOTE “most, if not all” of its staff, which this reporter is sure has nothing to do with the magazine putting obese women and men pretending to be women on the cover of their latest swimsuit issues.

Sports Illustrated’s publisher terminates most of staff in mass layoff, union says

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7

The tinfoil hat wearing crowd will be happy to know that nearly everything they believed about the ooga booga bug was correct, and it’s true that the powers that be hid it. The most recent admission from the CDC is that, way back in May of 2021 they drafted a Health Alert Network warning of the link between mRNA jabs and myocarditis, but then chose not to disseminate it, sending out instead a “clinical consideration” urging doctors to jab everyone anyway.

CDC Drafted Alert for Myocarditis and COVID-19 Vaccines, but Never Sent It

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8

In Trudeau’s Great Blackface North, where you can be jailed for honking your horn, using the wrong pronoun, or attending church, police are warning homeowners not to share their doorbell videos of porch pirates publicly committing crimes because it might violate the criminals’ privacy.

I swear, I am not making this up.

Police warn posting porch pirate videos online can violate alleged thieves’ privacy

 

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9

If Australia’s Covid Concentration Camps didn’t convince you to write that country off right along with Canada, then having school children make loving Christmas cards for convicted pedophiles should.

Seriously, this really happened, folks.

‘You are a valued person’: Christmas cards from kids given to convicted prison pedophiles

 

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10

Argentinian President Javier Milei will most likely not ever be invited back to the World Economic Forum. Unlike all the other attendees, Milei saved his country hundreds of thousands of dollars by traveling on a commercial flight, after which he gave an impassioned speech against the WEF’s push for socialism, against energy, and against freedom — all of which are destroying the western world. Klaus Schwab just about blew metamucil out his nose laughing, as that has been his plan all along.

Argentinian prez Javier Milei kills ‘em with common sense as he scolds Davos elites

Argentina’s president skewers global elites in Davos for pushing socialist agenda ‘that creates poverty’

 

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11

Biden’s proxy wars around the world are leading to some predictable bedfellows. In fact, thanks to the Cabbage in Chief’s help, Russia is now the largest supplier of oil to China.

Russia Overtakes Saudi Arabia To Become Largest Supplier Of Oil To China

 

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12

Meanwhile, back in the Socialist Republic of America, Since January of 2021, if someone sent you a Zelle payment with a note that included key words like “MAGA” or “Trump,” OR you bought a Bible online or in a bookstore, OR you shopped at a Bass Pro shop, you were added to the FBI watchlist and your financial institution was instructed to monitor your purchases.

This is real folks.

No. Seriously. I am not making this up.

The Feds Worked With Banks to Flag Purchases of Bibles

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For CCW News, this has been Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening.

I’m Chuck U. Farley.

Good night, and may God help us.

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