Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Surge the Burger, not the Border Edition


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The big news this week is the nine to zero judgment from the Supreme Court to — and I can’t believe I have to report on this — uphold the Constitution by allowing voters to vote for the candidate of their choice.

Of course, the socio-fascists in the liberal Press just about blew a headgasket because…well, forget the law, the Constitution, or any semblance of democracy — Orange Man Bad, darn it! At the head of the cries to dissolve SCOTUS for doing its job was none other than the poster child for mental illness himself, Keith Olbermann, who took to the platform formerly known as Twitter and decried the court as “corrupt and illegitimate.”

One user replied, “Cry more …. 9-0,” which was alluding to the fact that the mixed races, genders, and political leanings of the court agreed unanimously to uphold the law.

…to which Olberman deftly rebutted, “Those aren’t tears, Fascist. They’re urine. I’m sure you enjoy being bathed in it.”

In other words, liberals, much like their choice for president, are not only incontinent, but they manage to get it all over their faces.

…and they’re proud of it.

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Speaking of losing minds…

Wendy’s announced that they’re investing  20 million dollars to add digital menu boards to all their restaurants, which would allow them to offer special deals and pricing changes on the fly. The internet exploded with speculations that the change meant the fast food chain would engage in surge pricing, much like Uber, and create hot and juicy prices during the busiest times.

Wendy’s assured everyone this wasn’t true, but not before Keith Olbermann had already rendered his clothing and urinated on his own face.

Wendy’s will not implement surge pricing as CEO comment causes online stir

Wendy’s Is Offering $1 Cheeseburgers All Month for March Madness After Announcing ‘Dynamic Pricing’

 

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On a lighter note, three Democrats have stepped down, relieving the Republican party of their poor performances.

Nikki Hailey proudly won Washington DC, which only a swamp rat could, then lost brilliantly in the overall primaries, winning only the state of Vermont, where they continuously vote in literal Communists. She’ll be suspending her presidential  campaign so that all of her funders can focus on keeping Biden alive the rest of the season.

Kyrsten Sinema announced that she will not be seeking reelection in Arizona because, now that they’re finally investigating the state’s notoriously corrupt voting processes, she realized no one actually wants to vote for her.

Finally, Ronna McDaniel actually did live up to her promise to leave her chair position at the RNC. She tearfully said goodbye to her staff, ending her departure speech by saying, “We don’t win elections without a strong RNC and anybody who says otherwise is wrong.”

You are correct, Ronna, and we agree. A weak RNC backed by your poor leadership is exactly why the party hasn’t been winning elections.

Trump, Biden sweep Super Tuesday, Nikki Haley secures one win on election night

Nikki Haley to Exit Republican Presidential Race

Kyrsten Sinema’s Exit and the Perilous Future of the Filibuster

RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel announces her resignation

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Last week we saw dueling presidential visits to the border when Trump visited Eagle Pass, the hottest of hotspots for illegal crossings, and Biden visited Brownsville, where there are close to zero immigrants, but better ice cream and the town’s name sounds like what he just did in his diaper.

Trump met with Texas governor Greg Abbott and president of the Border Patrol union, Brandon Judd, while Biden met with disgraced (and recently impeached) DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas and complained that the evil Republicans were to blame for the growing humanitarian crisis because they didn’t support his border bill that would have spent billions of dollars to protect everyone’s border but our own.

Meanwhile, in order to report that he has reduced the number of border crossings, the cabbage in chief is giving away free airline tickets and FLYING them in — more than 320,000 that we knew of so far — because, technically, flying over the border isn’t “crossing” it, so they don’t count.

I swear, I am not making this up.

Biden and Trump Visit the Border, Spar over Immigration Policy

Biden administration ADMITS flying 320,000 migrants secretly into the U.S. to reduce the number of crossings at the border has national security ‘vulnerabilities

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The Shuffler in Chief then went on to crow about how we should ignore our lying eyes and believe every word he mangles about the economy and crime rates because both have improved vastly, thanks to him. He went on to cite optimistically lower violent crime rates nationwide…

…by eliminating New York, LA, Chicago, and several other Democrat-run hell holes festering with violent crime.

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated story:

Since the Venezuelan government has emptied its prisons and exported all its most violent criminals elsewhere, the third-world country has had the lowest reported crime rate in nearly three decades.

Venezuela’s Violent Deaths Fall to 22-Year Low

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For CCW News, this has been Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening.

I’m Chuck U. Farley.

Good night, and may God help us.

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