Matchu Talking About?

Welcome to the show.

Intro:

Dylan Mulvaney visits Peru to escape the eeeeevil transphobes in the USA (literally the most accepting place on the planet), only to have Peru immediately declare transgenderism a mental disorder.

 

Peru officially classifies trans people as ‘mentally ill’

Peru classifies transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as ‘mentally ill’

Blue Origin launches six tourists to the edge of space after nearly two-year hiatus

 

News of the Weird and Wonderful

More weird than wonderful

NYC’s last superhero: On patrol with real-life crimefighter — the Brooklyn Devil

More wonderful than weird

Zoo announces birth of tiny tamarin to mark Endangered Species Day

Now if we could only build all the parts domestically…

These tricks make wind farms more bird-friendly

Colorado River may finally see increased flows after 20-year drought, according to new research

Experimental Cancer Treatment Gives New Jersey Mom a Chance for A Second Baby

Texas Governor Pardons Man in Fatal Shooting of Protester in 2020

News of the Wicked

This is Why we Can’t Have Nice things

NYC-Dublin live video art installation already bringing out the worst in people with lewd displays

Further evidence that Basement Joe has trouble with numbers.

Biden repeats lie that inflation ‘was at 9% when I came in’ as president

Plano man attacked tow truck driver with metal bar who was towing his mom’s car

Another dumb challenge, another needless death…

‘One Chip Challenge’ Contributed to the Death of a Massachusetts Teen, Autopsy Results Show

The first word in the headline tells us everything we need to know

Black Portlander files $475k lawsuit against Walmart for accusing him of stealing vacuum he bought

Welcome to the New Abnormal

Jerry! Blink twice if you need help. What’s the deal with the apology tour?

Jerry Seinfeld Apologizes For “Sexual Undertones” In ‘Bee Movie’ During Duke Commencement Address

 

FFS. Now he’s just embarrassing us all. What a Joker.

Mark Hamill calls Biden ‘Joe-B-Wan Kenobi’ in White House press room appearance

===

Wonderfuller!

Blue Jays Fan’s Kindness Creates Unforgettable Moment For Young Yankees Supporter

Dad Literally Lends a Hand to Daughter Who Broke Wrist Before a Violin Performance

Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Cinco de Mayday Edition, May 8, 2024


1

The big news this week is the continued pro-terrorist, anti-Israel, riots…er…I mean “peaceful protests” on college campuses nationwide. The totally organic protests are chock full of students who can’t tell you WHY they’re protesting, but they’re doing it in fully stocked barricaded encampments equipped with professionally printed signs and matching NorthFace tents. Students say that, until their unnamed demands are met, they will continue bashing in windows, setting things on fire, and attacking any Jews they can find.

But don’t worry, boys and girls! Other than literally banning Jews from all their unsafe places, these kids prioritize diversity. In fact, the University of Washington actually postponed building their protest encampment because they couldn’t find enough brown people who wanted to sleep outside.

I swear, I am not making this up.

From the river to the sea, all parents should discontinue tuition payments.

 

Full List of US Universities Staging Pro-Palestinian Protests

Pro-Palestinian supporters and counter-protesters clash on UCLA campus over Gaza

Attacked with rocks… spat on… threatened with murder: Jewish students reveal terrifying intimidation by anti-Israel thugs – and two men who faced down a wild mob rampaging through their campus

Jewish student speaks out after being attacked on UMass Amherst campus

Jewish students say pro-Israel violence at UCLA protest camp undercut their advocacy

University of Washington anti-Israel encampment postponed over lack of diversity

===

2

Meanwhile, the angry Cabbage in Chief insulted the entire nation of Japan — as well as India, China, and Russia — by calling them “xenophobic” for not inviting hordes of terrorist freeloaders into their countries like we do.

President Joe Biden calls Japan and India ‘xenophobic’ nations that do not welcome immigrants

====

3

Speaking of the enemy within, Thomas Massie faced a $500 fine for sharing a video of House members excitedly and illegally waving the flag of a foreign country on the House floor after successfully voting to send billions of extorted tax dollars to Ukraine. The video received more than 7.5 million views on the platform formerly known as Twitter, which really ticked off the liberals who waved the flags.

Democrat Gaslighting 101: ALWAYS shoot the messenger.

Slightly effective House Speaker Mike Johnson reversed the decision of the Sergeant of Arms, so Massie will not have to pay the fine, after all. Sadly, we all still have to pay Voldemort Zelenskyy.

 

Speaker Johnson walks back $500 fine for Rep. Massie after GOP outrage: ‘Betrayal’

 

===

4

Oh, but it gets better. Congress overwhelmingly voted in the Antisemitism Awareness Act, which includes wording that would make the Christian Bible illegal “hate speech.”

No, I solemnly swear, I am NOT making this up.

Republicans Voting for Bill That Could Make ‘Bible Illegal’ Outrages MAGA

 

===

5

Meanwhile, Biden’s tyrannical attempts to jail his political opponent are falling apart.

Jack Smith’s biggest case exploded after many FOIA requests finally allowed less redacted documents. The more readable documents revealed that the Biden regime has been working with the General Services Administration since 2019 to come after President Trump for his possession of LEGAL presidential documents (remember, he was still president at that time), while covering for Biden’s ILLEGAL stash of all varieties of classified documents.

It turns out that the GSA actually FORCED Trump to take THEIR boxes of classified documents, which he never even opened, so the real allegations are that he accepted boxes that he somehow KNEW had super secret information, even though he never actually looked at them.

To the horror of the entire DNC — due to various “pretrial issues,” the trial has been suspended indefinitely, meaning they have one fewer tool in their 2024 cheat box.

Letitia James’s civil case, in which no victim has claimed harm in business dealings where everyone made money, but the judge hates Trump so much he’s fining him anyway — the $457 million bond was knocked down to $175 million while the whole farce is pending appeal. Letitia immediately tried to game the system by trying to say that the cash he bonded wasn’t good enough because what she REALLY wanted to do was seize his buildings. The court said she was wasting their time. Meanwhile, Ms. James is being sued by several other entities for her shenanigans, so her attention might get a little divided.

In Georgia, Fani “sleeps with her lavishly paid employees” Willis’s case is in upheaval after the court learned that both she and Jack Smith were in contact with Pelosi’s January 6 show trials.

Finally, in the hush money case, not much has happened other than revealing that the prosecution’s best witnesses are a Pecker and a porn star.

 

Trump classified documents trial in Florida postponed indefinitely

New Bombshell Evidence Emerges: Was Trump Set Up in Classified Docs Saga?

Default judgment sought after Fani Willis fails to answer lawsuit

NY Attorney General asks judge to reject $175 million bond in Donald Trump’s civil fraud case

An Irish society, an unpaid loan and the hypocrisy of Letitia James

Judicial Watch Sues Fani Willis for Communications with Special Counsel Jack Smith, Pelosi January 6 Committee

Ex-Publisher David Pecker Takes Stand as First Witness in Trump Trial

Why is David Pecker still in Trump’s good graces?

===

6

On April 17, the Cabbage in Chief tried to commune with the common folk by pulling into a Pittsburgh-area Sheetz convenience store to pick up pre-ordered turkey sandwiches for airport construction workers. Just days before, Trump gathered cheering crowds and giddy employees eager to take selfies and give him hugs at Chick fil-A, but Biden’s scripted, copy-cat endeavor took place in near silence with only a few pre-selected actors engaging with him once inside. Employees did their jobs without expression, handed him the bags of hoagies, and he was in and out in a few minutes.

In completely unrelated news, on April 18, the EEOC filed a lawsuit against Sheetz, Inc for doing background checks and not hiring felons, because, according to the Biden cabal, that means they won’t be hiring any black people.

I’ll just let that one sit.

 

How a Black conservative activist arranged Donald Trump’s stop at an Atlanta Chick-fil-A

President Biden stops at Pittsburgh-area Sheetz to buy sandwiches for construction workers

EEOC Sues Sheetz, Inc. For Racially Discriminatory Hiring Practice

===

7

The US military just finished a $320 million pier off the coast of Gaza that they’ve named the Joint Logistics Over-the-Shore (“Jay-Lots”) system, supposedly to facilitate delivery of humanitarian aid to Hamas…I mean Palestinian civilians…oh, who am I kidding?

When reminded that he has emphatically promised multiple times that he would never deploy US boots on the ground in this conflict, Diaper Joe assured us all that the boots were on a pier on the COAST, so technically the more than 2,000 deployed troops’ boots are not on the GROUND, so that doesn’t count. “Besides,” he said, “that J-Lots broad is really talented, so you’ve gotta love those rutabagas!”

Orders are to keep shouting, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you…” until Hamas starts bombing the daylights out of them.

The US is building a pier off Gaza to bring in humanitarian aid

US facing obstacles getting aid delivered to Gaza after finishing pier construction

US military finishes Gaza pier, but plans to move it into place paused

===

For CCW News, this has been Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening.

I’m Chuck U. Farley.

Good night, and may God help us.

When Left Does Right

Welcome to the show.

When people on the other political side do something right, we are going to acknowledge and celebrate. We offer two such stories tonight, in addition to visits from both Chuck and Vincent. Enjoy!

Intro:

Kudos to Ms. Bukovinac. WARNING: The video linked to this article is VERY graphic.

Pro-Life Democrat Runs ‘Graphic’ Abortion Ad During ‘Today’ Show

 

When the “other side” gets it right, we will celebrate…this was the right move, Pete.

Airlines required to refund passengers for canceled, delayed flights.

 

News of the Weird and Wonderful

More weird than wonderful

And we thought WE were tree huggers…

Ghana man hugs 1,123 trees in an hour for world record

 

Active volcano in Antarctica spews tiny crystals of gold worth $6,000 a day

 

Man runs one mile in swimming pool in 35 minutes, 24 seconds

 

BOOM! Here comes the BOOM!

Decades-old explosives detonated in Holladay were inherited, found after man’s death

 

More wonderful than weird

This many golden retrievers in one place is great. The story behind it is even better.

 

A police department with a sense of humor…

Local Police Department Makes Public Statement To Community On Taylor Swift’s New Album

 

Rubber Duck Washes Up 18 Years After it Lost a River Race and Headed for the Hills–400 Miles Away

 

Big cats rescued from Tiger King Park now thriving in San Diego County

 

News of the Wicked

This is Why we Can’t Have Nice things

Don’t do it, bro…(Pray for Kanye)

‘Don’t Do It’: Ex-Porn Star Who Found Jesus Begs Kanye West Not to Start XXX Studio

 

They say don’t leave valuables in parked cars in San Francisco. Rep. Adam Schiff didn’t listen

 

A couple accidentally shipped their cat in an Amazon return package. It arrived safely 6 days later, hundreds of miles away.

 

“Vampire facials” at an unlicensed spa infected three people with HIV, CDC finds

 

Japanese city loses residents’ personal data, which was on paper being transported on a windy day

 

Dionne is in, Dio is not

https://rockhall.com/2024-inductees

 

Holy Crap

Chuck gives us the low down on the low down.

 

Tales of Modern Horror

Vincent takes us to a potential meeting of the DNC as they make a final desperate attempt to rid us of Teflon Don.

Welcome to the New Abnormal

Mexican president claims that criminal groups are ‘respectful’ and ‘respect the citizenry’

 

Biden ridiculed after reading ‘pause’ instruction on the teleprompter out loud: ‘I’m Ron Burgundy?’

 

Littleton Public School bus aide fired, arrested after Colorado students with autism “traumatized and tortured”

 

===

 

Florida Man

Florida man dons dress, blond wig in attempt to evade cops after boat theft

 

Florida man and MMA fighter Mike Dragich uses bare hands to catch and carry away an 8-foot alligator wandering Jacksonville streets

 

Wonderfuller!

NICU Nurse And Former Patient Reunite 22 Years Later At Nursing Graduation Ceremony

Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Malarky, Tomfoolery, and Monkeyshines Edition, April 21, 2024


1

The big news this week is the continuation of the sham Trump trial in New York City. After defying his gag order, buying everyone at a Chick-fil-A their dinner, and nonchalantly raising over a million dollars in small donations during the first day, the only way anyone could out-shine Trump was to set themselves on fire.

Donald Trump Raises Over $1 Million on First Day of Trial

Man Sets Himself on Fire Near Courthouse Where Trump Is on Trial

===

2

Meanwhile, with the help of an army of RINOs, the House passed yet another ridiculous bill — $95 BILLION to be exact — to protect everyone else’s borders but our own.

House passes $95 billion foreign aid package for Ukraine, Israel, Taiwan

===

3

Amazon wowed the world with their better-than-self-checkout technology that allowed shoppers to simply put their chosen merchandise in their purses, bags, or carts and walk right out of the store. With Amazon’s cutting-edge tech, they’d know exactly what you took and what to charge your account. How did they perform this witchcraft, you might ask? Their advertised advanced AI? An intricate combination of magnets and 5G? Lasers?

No, it turns out they have a staff in India who watches the instant replays and charges accordingly.

I swear, I am not making this up.

Amazon’s Just Walk Out technology relies on hundreds of workers in India watching you shop

====

4

As if having the federal government out to get you isn’t enough, RFK Junior’s own family betrayed him. Fifteen members of the extended Kennedy family endorsed King Brandon over their own brother because he doesn’t have a chance and ORANGE MAN BAD. His sister, Kerry Kennedy, quipped, “I chose to endorse Joe Biden because his record more closely fits the ideology and legacy of the Kennedy name. Frankly, Bobby Jr. just doesn’t fit in. He pays attention to science, isn’t actively laundering any money, and hasn’t even drowned a single secretary.”

Kennedy family brushes off RFK Jr.’s campaign as they endorse Biden

Biden, in counter to RFK Jr., gets endorsement of other Kennedy family members

====

5

Finally, the Braindonor in Chief had a banner week as he regaled us with such quips as, “Are you ready to choose freedom over democracy?” (after which, the audience clapped like seals in a circus). He bragged, “I made it clear to the Israelis, don’t move on Haifa,” which is an easy task, as Haifa IS in Israel. Finally, while shambling through Pennsylvania, King Brandon told several whoppers, including his promise that no one making over $400,000 will pay a cent more in taxes. He backed up his totally believable statement by saying he, himself has never made that amount of money — even though his public tax returns reveal he not only made much more than that, but sometimes in the 10s of millions. Oh, yes, and let’s not forget that $400,000 happens to be EXACT amount of the annual salary of the President of the United States. Did he forget, or is he trying to tell us something?

The cherry on the hot fib sundae was a spine-tingling fever dream in which Joe’s uncle, Ambrose Finnegan, whom he somehow called “Uncle Bosey” — even though they never actually met — joined the military on D Day, June 6, 1944 — even though he died on May 14, 1944 — was shot down while flying a single-engine plane — even though he wasn’t a pilot, the plane was an A-20 bomber, and it went down due to mechanical problems — and was eaten by cannibals in New Guinea — which would have required cannibals with SCUBA gear, since the plane went down at sea. Biden told this titanically tall tale not once, but twice on the same day.

Whitehouse press secretary, Jean-Luc Diversity Hire, chalked up the ridiculous ruses to Biden having a QUOTE “emotional moment.” END QUOTE.

I swear I am not making this up.

And what was the Associated Press’s take on the Cabbage in Chief’s meandering mendaciousness? QUOTE: “Biden is off on details of his uncle’s WWII death as he calls Trump unfit to lead the military.”

Biden takes heat over gaffe urging Americans to ‘choose freedom over democracy:’

Biden confuses Israeli city with Rafah in Gaza in shocking gaffe: ‘Don’t move on Haifa’

Joe Biden’s Tax Returns Show More Than $15 Million in Income After 2016

Fact check: Biden makes false and misleading claims during Pennsylvania campaign swing

2nd Lt. Ambrose J. Finnegan, Jr.

Papua New Guinea leader blasts Biden for claiming his uncle was eaten by cannibals

AP’s Take on the Biden Cannibal Story Is Everything Wrong With Media

===

For CCW News, this has been Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening.

I’m Chuck U. Farley.

Good night, and may God help us.

Butterflocalypse

Intro:

Trump in court, man sets himself on fire, more dollars dumped into Ukraine.

…Maybe JESUS?

Caterpillarpocalypse and the soon to be butterflies! To us, caterpillars and butterflies represent rebirth. The Lord said, “Ye must be born again.” (John 3:3)

 

News of the Weird and Wonderful

More weird than wonderful

Two vultures found ‘too drunk to fly’ in Connecticut

100-year-old British train car found buried in Belgium

 

More wonderful than weird

Molly the magpie seized by animal welfare … after bonding with pet dog

Happy ending: Molly the Magpie reunited with ‘best friend’ Staffordshire terrier after being seized by wildlife authorities

(Australia has become a dystopian communist nightmare)

 

Friendly Donkey Serves As A Guide For A Blind Horse

Bark Air, A New Dog-Centric Airline, Is Taking Off This May

2,013 confetti cannons fired at the same time to break world record

News of the Wicked

This is Why we Can’t Have Nice things

Mark Driscoll gets tossed from stage at men’s conference after calling them out for hiring a male pole dancer to open the conference

Grandmother arrested after allegedly helping granddaughter beat up student

DOJ imposes $9.9M penalty for Montana man who targeted communities with robocalls

Video, witness: Asheville apartment residents pulled black bear cubs from tree for selfie

Dollar General is taking checkout back out of your hands because of theft

 

Welcome to the New Abnormal

Seattle police cannot arrest street preacher for inciting hostility, Ninth Circuit rules

Police Scotland forced to pay overtime to deal with deluge of hate crime complaints

4 CT State Police troopers who faked traffic tickets in 2018 won’t face state charges, officials say

 

Wonderfuller!

She Wasn’t a Match to Be Her Boyfriend’s Donor, But Still Saved a Life. Then He Proposed: ‘It Was Fate’

Back from Sin City

Welcome to the show.

We have returned from our sojourn to our former home of Las Vegas, refreshed and ready to go! Congratulations again to Nathan and Savannah, America’s Cutest Couple. Tonight, we talk Juice, Nyquil, and Gasoline.

Intro:

RIP Louis Gossett Jr.

RIH OJ Simpson

We can send helicopters to Mars, but we still can’t make a nighttime cold medicine in any flavor other than “sphincter numbing?”

…Maybe JESUS?

My Gospel According to Melanie has been trumped!

https://babylonbee.com/news/amen-and-amen-check-out-the-top-10-verses-from-new-the-donald-trump-bible-translation

 

News of the Weird and Wonderful

More weird than wonderful

N.C. officials warn residents there could be bears under their homes

Animal-lover rushes sick baby hedgehog to vet — only to find out she’s been caring for a hat pom-pom

 

More wonderful than weird

Auburn student makes a 94-foot, length-of-the-court putt and wins a car

This NBA star always dreamed of being a teacher. So students in Brooklyn got the substitute teacher of a lifetime.

She went skinny-dipping and then skipped her flight home. It was the best move she ever made

‘Wonderful’ dog who fathered more than 300 puppies for Guide Dogs retires

 

News of the Wicked

This is Why we Can’t Have Nice things

Police say he got on a plane using a photo of a girl’s boarding pass. Now he faces a felony charge

Double-swiping the rewards card led to free gas for months — and a felony theft charge

Parents outraged after school builds ‘metal cages’ to stop children using toilet

Wife of billionaire slams locals in Minnesota beach town for daring to question her plans after snapping up multiple properties – and says they can forget about getting a new pickleball complex now!

Ohio man, 81, fatally shoots Uber driver, 61, after scammers target both of them, officials say

Welcome to the New Abnormal

It Turns Out the ‘Deep State’ Is Actually Kind of Awesome – but we can’t tell you about it because it’s video only, behind a paywall.

Elon Musk Calls New York Times ‘Mouthpiece of the State’ Over Headline Calling Deep State ‘Kind of Awesome’

Turns out we DO have a Deep State…and it’s “awesome”

 

Excessive free speech is a breeding ground for more Trumps

Democrats Are Running the Christine Blasey-Ford Playbook Again But There’s a Big Problem

Religious-themed designs banned from White House Easter egg art contest

Seattle dance squad says they were told American flag shirts made audience members feel ‘triggered and unsafe’

Florida Man

Florida man calls American Airlines passengers ‘blue-eyed white devils,’ threatens to ‘take this plane down’

Five Florida Circuit Judges Defend Pervert Lawyer in Weird Cover-Up

Florida man says he discovered the fountain of youth underwater

FHP searching for suspect who allegedly carjacked emergency response vehicle

Florida mother arrested after daycare finds gun inside 2-year-old son’s lunchbox\]

 

Wonderfuller!

Woman Announces Her Passing On LinkedIn, Her Message Is Spreading Far And Wide