Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Cinco de Mayday Edition, May 8, 2024


Pro-Hamas protestors need more brown people, apparently, but at least they’re not xenophobic like most of the East, according to the Cabbage in Chief. Thomas Massie dodges Ukrainian flags on the floor, but might still go to jail for reading the Bible. Biden continues his election meddling, though it seems to be melting like his face. Still, he struggles to maintain eye contact with the plebs. The US absolutely, positively has no boots on the ground in Gaza (wink).

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Holy Crap, This is Actually Happening — Chinese Takeout Edition, February 18, 2024


Kiss off, Myorkis. Chiao, Chao. Whatever, Willis. Really, Cally? Wrong, Wong. ICE – not nice. Haha, Hawaii. Shotsplatters matter. Southern Fried Idiot does TikTok. Not OK for JFK. Soros ain’t selling.

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